How to Survive at the Dinner Table

July 12, 2016

How to survive at the Ukrainian table when served by a grandma

Step 1. Eat very slowly

2. Try to give some of your food to your neighbor or Dennis when her back is turned.

3. If the food is especially tasty and you want to lick your plate, choose a neighbor as your watchdog to make sure the grandma doesn't turn around.

4. If she gives everyone too much, slip some chicken back on the serving plate.

5. Try and tell her that you don't eat much, she won't believe you unless you are a small child.

6. Switch plates with your neighbor or Dennis, in order to eat less or make it look like you ate all your food.

7. Spoon some of your neighbor's macaroni onto your own plate, and tell the grandma you have enough.
(These methods are tried and true. They ensure good feelings between you and your babooshka. *Warning* there is really no way to leave the table without a stuffed stomach of delicious food.)